"OK guys, I know the 'We're sending a giant, budget-crashing, deep-space vessel full of forest out to wander aimlessly and protect Earth's valuable botanical heritage' cover story was pretty lame. Now that we've passed turnover and entered radio-silence I am empowered to reveal to you that we're actually on a green ops, covert mission to deliver our cargo to Chinchin III, where our ally Pyghee II has succeeded his recently deceased brother. Once delivered, our cargo will be utilized in the construction of a stronghold which Pyghee II hopes will be sufficient to repel a second attack by sinister agents from the Lupus Major system." (Shadow)
Spending years wandering the galaxy after speaking to the crazy old man on Tatooine, Stormtrooper Bob finally found the driods he was looking for. (J. Clineff)
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Once the size of the aliens was confirmed, Dr. Handley proposed defeating them with insurance salesmen in suppository form. (Lileks)
"Honestly Mr. Hitchcock, I don't believe Killer Gonads From Outer Space could be a viable movie option!" (Schmuck)
Much to the joy of the otherwise un-date-able generals, with the addition of the "helmet", test subject "Linda" does in fact find herself inexplicably attracted to the fat sweaty bald man. (Min Donner)
"Gentlemen, the name is Cranium, Richard Cranium." (Min Donner)
Secretary Jane finds herself too intimidated by the brilliant men in the room to point out the obvious flaw in the new $14 billion dollar space helmet. (Min Donner)
Much to the chagrin of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the President settled on a missile cap since all available lampshades were taken. (Min Donner)
"It's no use dear, nothing you wear on your head will distract anyone from that hideous tie." (Min Donner)
Though Buzz "Twist My Ankles" Megawatt was long retired from the superhero business, he never tired of relating the tale of the time when, in his prime, "Vibratorman" had, singlehandedly, brought the Attack Of The Fifty Foot Woman to a screeching (some would say moaning) halt. (Shadow)
The first production of Spaceballs, in the 1950's, never made it out of the editing room. (daleb)
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And then what did Britney do? OMG! (Chip)
So this is Dating on EHarmony!!! (BLR WIZ)
After a marathon session intended to cure mild near-sightedness encountered several unexpected glitches, Dr. Scheider felt compelled to remind Tommy that Lasik wasn't for everybody. (Shadow)
Ahhh...Now that I've got the cover off I can see the source of the problem. The verbal processing core shorted against the eyebrow servos. The short apparently caused a surge that blew a fuse in the lumbar relays, and the delayed response was tap dancing in front of reporters in the Rose Garden. Tell mr. Cheney that I'll install a new verbal core with the requested pronunciations for "nuclear" and "Iraq"; we'll close it up, slap the dermals and hair back on, and the president should be ready for the four PM news conference. (Shadow)
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I hate it when the rent is due. (BLRWIZ)
Even though she considered herself a moderate conservative, Barbara still hated it whan the Republicans canvassed door-to-door. (Shadow)
As Freddy stumped wearily through the door after another fruitless day of job-searching, Jennifer couldn't help wondering, once again, what her life might have been like if only she had married the Goblin King instead. (Shadow)
Ahh come one. You're right there! I can see your shoulder! You're not even trying! Kids these days. Back when I first started killing coeds, those girls could run for miles. Now you kids just pick a lousy spot and think you're hiding. I blame the video games. You're inside all day playing Guitar Hero when you should be outside getting exercise. I'm starting to wonder why I even bother anymore. (Min Donner)
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